im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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