Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
