Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
