I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
