What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
