I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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