He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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