Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
soo... how was my night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
