3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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