I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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