I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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