you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
