now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
