Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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