I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
