There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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