I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sorry about my life...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
