So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
