new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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