Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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