went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
