I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
