Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
