he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
