So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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