Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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