sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
