Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
