Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
