Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
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All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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