saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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