it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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