Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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