i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
