i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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