I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
