Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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