If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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