I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize