1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Porn is love you can see.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
