There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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