I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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