how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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