my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
