I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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