there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
