Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
