Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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