Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
