Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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