When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I did not marry a roomba.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
