Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
