Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
