remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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