Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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