I wish I could teleport
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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