Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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