she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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