pop tarts are not kleenex
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
