I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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