i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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