Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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