I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize