someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
