In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Come share oat with me in your robe
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
