i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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