sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
