mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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