I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
