Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
this will be a night to untag.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
